Expectation: An Hors D’oeuvre for Disappointment

“When living in intention, accountability is paramount. Our life is in our hands. No one else’s.”   ~ Rhonda Britten

I’ve been learning a lot about expectations lately. I have them. You have them. We have them about ourselves (yea, like a million and a half of them!). We have them about one another.

You might be thinking, so what? Well, here’s a question for you. Do expectations support you living from the inside out or from the outside in? Now that’s a biggie. Think about it. Who is driving your bus?

Here’s how this played out for me.

A very dear friend of mine made a statement about getting together during Christmas (which I really wanted that to happen to support my son and my grandkids). I then took what she said into a place of expectation. Now who had the expectation?

We did not get together. I was bummed, ticked off and felt betrayed. It left me wondering if I could “trust” this person. The plot thickens! Who knew about my expectation? Me–only me! She didn’t have a clue that I had turned her comment into an ironclad expectation that–if not fulfilled–was worthy of treason!

What was I willing to risk clinging to my expectation of her? Would I go so far as to risk our wonderful friendship? Could be–those expectations do wonky things. They were driving the way I was thinking, speaking (or not speaking–withdrawal) and listening to her. Crazy, isn’t it? That was living from the outside in.

Hit the replay button and see what an accountability and intention-based movie looks like. My intention around my friend goes something like this. I am willing and committed to be in a loving, authentic and accepting relationship with her.

Let’s play a new movie.

My friend makes a statement about getting together at Christmas while my son and grandkids are here. I explain to her exactly why this is so important to me. We make a date or we don’t make a date. Either way, it’s okay.

Why is it okay this time? Because I am driven by my intention to be in a relationship that is loving, authentic and accepting–not on the event itself. I am commitment to the process of our friendship and not puny outcomes. Can we say major shift here? This is living from the inside out!

Furthermore, there was no secret expectations that I was “holding her to.” We were both on the same page. I was truthful in what I needed and wanted. She was aware of the importance to me. I know that she loves me and values what I need, so if it didn’t happen it was because it was beyond her current circumstances. I trusted her.

Now, the truth is, I lived this incident out like the first scenario–with a secret expectation of my friend. Just last Sunday I shared my feelings with her and what I had discovered about expectations vs. intentions. Of course, she understood (she’s full of grace!) and, in fact, was grateful that I shared it with her.

So, what is the juicy nugget for you? Who drives your bus–expectations that only you know; or feelings that result from unmet expectations? What are you committed to–the intention or the result? There’s a big difference in the peace quotient.

I love working with women who are living an expectation-filled life and feel generally disappointed. Why? Because there really, really good news. This is change very quickly–and I can help you! Sign up for a complimentary coaching session now.